De Ja Vu

Its like de ja vu.
I know I've been here before. T
oo much nonsense fills my plate and I still get up for more.
There is a buffet of things
and I lack self control,
but I have seen this before...
I should already know

I should know I build it always too tall
I should know an arm will reach never that high
I should know in the end it ends near a fall
I should know this, I know.
I can't make sense of it all.

Or of any thing or any time or any moment that occurs.

But if I close my eyes a thousand times
their renewal never fails to rewind
Takes me back to a place
One I've been before
Where the frantic insanity
Presented by the whore.
One whom trapped me.
Melted my skin
And layer by layer changed what I am in.

This life I lack comprehension of
This vision, reoccurring, and unable to lose
My newly warped self is empty handed
And even when yours are full
you make me choose.
You tempt my choice to steal your role
Beg me to be your whore
Turn me into a hopefull
When I know it's just a chore.

I know you fall
I know you ache
I know you urge to cling
But you try to hide and cover and flee
instead Of just be.

You can't just be
You can't just say
There always must be the act
But I'm here again

For what I long to be the final time

Because the exhaustion is rough on the one who knows the truth.
Just as rough as it is on the one who denies it.

So its really it
de ja vu must end
It must be my last visit here
And next time I wander toward this obstacle again
I must strive to simply steer

4/9/07

my craziest experience. Risky and promiscuous. With no true intentions, the fun did in turn turn serious.